The Fear of Craving

As I am writing this post, it has been 37 hours since I smoked my last cigarette. I my introductory post titled "Best Birthday Present Ever?" I have mentioned that one of the biggest obstacles during my previous attempts to quit was fear of the future. But not only just fear of what will happen tomorrow. It was closely connected to the craving which every former smoker experiences during first few day after they've had their last cigarette.

I feared if I could handle a cup of coffee tomorrow morning without a cigarette? Will I be able to fight off the craving after a satisfying meal with perhaps a glass of wine? What about next month when I know there will be smokers around me at a certain party?

Two days ago a realization have settled in my mind that it is OK to be afraid of those cravings. If you ever smoked, you know well how strong those can be. What isn't OK, is the fear of future cravings. Be it a craving tomorrow or a year from now. Tomorrow can't come nor for that matter a week or a year can pass by unless now, this present moment is completed.

Perhaps you may find it not so, but for me this was huge revelation and change in attitude. It is so much easier form me to deal with the present moment, whether it comes with a craving or not. Fear of the future cravings is not real, it's just in our imagination and it can get hold of us that we loose our focus on present.

Having smoked for more than a half of my life, there were numerous failed attempts to quit smoking. Some got me off cigarettes for months or two but ultimately every attempt became a failure as soon as a lit another cigarette. I will write about those in the upcoming posts and reflections.

Right now I am thankful to God for the 38 hours of being cigarette free. I pray to give me strength to fight my cravings today and not to worry about tomorrow, the next week or the next year.